(no subject)

[strredwolf]

An opinion poll, for all of you guys, gals, and goyls.  Not offical, of course, but gathering ideas.

A spammer was caught sending over several billion spams to Canmephian and Earth-native people.  While heavily fined on Earth, Canmeph 2 convicted him of "performing mass spamming of the first degree," or more technically, "spamming out of the wazoo, from hell and back again, with clockwork and fiber regularity only mass transit can match."  Said spammer was found guilty and sentenced to death (a crime of this magnitude, with no hope of rehabilitation, would require such a penalty).  After the automatic appeal to double-check everything, as well as using up all his appeals, the spammer is going to die.

Now, given the resources of Canmephia, what technique would you employ to kill the dead man walking?

Comments

[drmarkov.livejournal.com]

While study of such an extreme case would be lovely, my favorite was pushing him out of an airlock in mid-planet orbit. He'll be humanely killed by the lack of atmosphere by the time he starts reentry.

[nightfurson.livejournal.com]

Death by pointy stick!

[lowen-kind.livejournal.com]

My scenario:

He is locked into a room with a mouse and a revolver. He is sitting on a chair that jolts him whenever the mouse stops moving for a certain period.

Behind bullet proof glass is a computer monitor.

He is forced to open each of his spam mails until he can't take any more and shoots himself in the head.

The only nourishment he is allowed to have is Spam® sandwiches and water.

[griffinwolf.livejournal.com]

You've always talked about a mind-wipe and reprogramming, that's death, in a way.

But then, I've never been overly fond of the death penalty for those who haven't taken life (not really sure where I stand on that).

Of course, you could always just sentence him to life in prison... forgetting to mention the fact that he'd be inflated to a giant sphere, just a ball with a head on top, attached to various machines to keep him clean, inside and out.

[griffinwolf.livejournal.com]

Going a little further, you could always just liquify his body, skeletal system, and just leave him as a brain with eyes thinkin' tangerine' thoughts.

Or, as I mentioned in a later post, if you must kill him, "Death By Disco!"

[nohra.livejournal.com]

DEATH BY TUBGIRL.

[xaviusarchangel.livejournal.com]

Catapults are highly underrated and deserve a historical revival. A trebuche would also suffice and provide ample entertainment.

[bar-gamer.livejournal.com]

Serious! Here's a good one, inspired by a book: Strap him, facedown, to a table. Take a permanent marker, and write as many spam titles on his back as you like, about 7, +/- 2, so he can remember them. Read them aloud as you write the titles.

Then take a really big needle/scalpel, position it sewing-machine-style over his back... and gradually, carve the titles into his back, feather-light at first, barely touching his skin, then deeper and deeper with every pass, until either the needle pierces some major organ or shock/massive-bloodloss occurs, and he dies.

A crueler alternative is stopping short of death, letting him heal up, then 'writing' in a different set of spam titles, repeating the process of bleeding and re-healing, until every spam title he's sent in his career has been duplicated on his back. Rehealing the nerves that feel pain is crucial, for this sort of torture to achieve the full effect.

Scared you people yet? :D

[rhanlav.livejournal.com]

I say a good blindsiding with a big truck full of Spam(c). Think, The Naked Gun sort of torture. Then he can go to the hospital, and get put in traction, which bend him in horrible shape, then when he's well enough to leave in a wheelchair, he's 'accidently' rolled down a big incline and launched off the top rail of a building onto the floor below, and then he could be marched over by Monty Python fans dressed up like Vikings singing 'Spam'.

But I'm silly like that.

[mozdoc.livejournal.com]

Why do you always put things into context like your on your Canmephia planet? I mean, yeah, its all great and whatnot, but, geez, its not like you could live there or something.

And I guess just to answer your question, turn him into something. I don't care what, but just make it hell and debilitating.

--Mozdoc

[dashutri.livejournal.com]

Kill him?
Nah... No one will learn if he's just offed, hun.
Cruel and Unusual punishment is the way to go. Set the example.

[strredwolf.livejournal.com]

Oh folks will know when he's dead. No more spam from the guy.