In the mind of the Drygerskunk

SPONSORED BY THE CANMEPHIAN "WHY BOTHER WITH EVEN MANUFACTURING A DOZEN KNOCKOFFS OF SOMETHING MARGINAL ENOUGH TO NOT EVEN BE DISPENSED IN HALF THE RESTRAUNTS AND 7-11 CLONES OF THE WORLD, ANYWAY?" FOUNDATION.

This is a taste test I conducted while watching Monster Garage followed the local 10pm news. All beverages were from freshly-opened two-liter bottles or, perferablly, cans of the smallest capacity possible. All ratings are measured relative to commonly-availible Dr Pepper, so you can scale them by dividing how much better you think Coke or Pepsi is than Dr Pepper. Notes to the origional Kibo Fake Dr Pepper Roundup were open durring this test.  To cleanse my palate after each swig, I made fresh with Superfresh in-store brownies and leftover Haloween Starburst candies.

• Dr Pepper, Origional Formula
  Manufacturer: Dr Pepper bottling plant in Dublin, TX Rating: 1.2
  Flavor: Like Dr Pepper, but with a cleaner aftertaste. This I would mark up to the use of Imperial Cane sugar instead of corn syrup as a sweetener.
  
• Dr Pepper, common
  Manufacturer: Dr Pepper (but bottled by local Pepsi or Coke bottlers)
  Rating: 1.0
  Flavor: A sort of vanilla taste, with no discernable cherry taste at all. Enough vanilla to make it stand out, enough lactic acid to make me fart. Normal people may not like it, but it's an intresting taste -- Kibo says it's an aquired taste, and I've aquired it. Has a strong aroma and is generally considered sweeter than Coke... but then Pepsi is sweeter than Coke too.
  
• Dr. Chill
  Manufacturer: Shoppers Food Market/SuperValu Store Brands (Super Chill brand)
  Rating: 0.9
  Flavor: Like slightly diluted Dr Pepper. It's got the right taste, the right smell, but it has a slightly lighter gravity, and not much of an aftertaste.
  
• Dr Thunder
  Manufacturer: Wal-Mart (Sam*s Choice brand)
  Rating: 0.5
  Flavor: Like diluted Dr Pepper, just enough vanilla to qualify as a knockoff, but only on the aftertaste. It's "lighter" or has a lesser "gravity" than a regular Dr Pepper.
  
• Dr. Choice
  Manufacturer: America's Choice (Superfresh store brand)
  Rating: 0.3
  Flavor: Diluted Cherry Dr Pepper. The gravity is so light you could be fooled that it could be just water you're drinking, but it has just enough to qualify as a soda. The smell of cherrys came out on this one, the more fragrant of the bunch.
  
• Dr. Skipper
  Manufacturer: Safeway (Select brand)
  Rating: 0.25
  Flavor: Generic store brand cola, which only has the redeeming factor that it has a hint of a smell of vanilla. It could of been mistaken for Vanilla Coke were it not for the fact that it's more diluted than Coke.
  
• Dr. Bob
  Manufacturer: Giant/Ahold (Southern Comfort brand)
  Raiting: 0.1
  Flavor: Really really really diluted/weak cola. I kept getting reminded of flat club soda. Maybe if they canned it instead of only carrying 2-liters.

At this point, the test was halted because I was out of brownies.

You would think it would be a simple matter to come up with the perfect knockoff of something which tastes completely artificial, but NNNnnoooooooooooooo!  We can land probes on Mars and make 'em last fifty times their advertized battery life, but we can't run some Dr Pepper through a gas chromatograph to see whether it's supposed to taste like cherry, Coke, vanilla, or dirty socks.  I am formally recommending to the Rulers of the Multiverse that the fakes be told to shape up or they'll be forced to drink Dr. Bob forever and ever and all the bad stuff will go away and there will never be any war and everyone will hug all the time.  Also, if the fakes haven't really earned a graduate degree then everyone will sue them for a million billion zillion dollars and all the candy in the world.

Apologizes to James "Kibo" Parry.

Yours in Pepperness, Kelly "STrRedWolf" Price.

Note of point(s):  Those who belived I should of added periods after various Dr's (despite what's printed on the bottle), please contact your local bottler to supply them with the nessiary missing punctuation.

As many of you may know now, Coca Cola is going to stop making Vanilla Coke, Diet Vanilla Coke, and Diet Coke with Lime.  Some addicts of this particular flavor of Coke are now up in arms, and some are stockpiling it...

Which makes me wonder.  You see, I tasted Vanilla Coke.  For me, you get a hint of vanilla that's a bit overpowered by the soda itself.  It's not quite right of how a vanilla cola should be. 

So what do I reguard as the standard bearer?  Dr Pepper.

Yes, I firmly belive that once folks addicted to Vanilla Coke taste Dr Pepper, they'll find themselves trapped and loving it.  It's like tea and coffee.  American to Cheddar (the former I don't belive to be an actual cheese).  Live action Scooby Doo to the origonal cartoons.  You get my drift.

Of course, your shop may not have Dr Pepper.  It may have the origoinal cane sugar Dr Pepper made in Dublin, Texas.  It may have a knockoff.  So, I'm going to take a page from James "Kibo" Perry and update his nearly 8-year-old Fake Dr Pepper Roundup.  I need to gather some supplies from local stores:

• Commercial grade Dr Pepper (what you can by now most anywhere)
• Mr. Pibb, now known as Pibb Xtra, by Coca Cola.  They say it now has "a cinnamon flavor with a hint of cherry".
• Dr. Skipper/Select Skipper/Dr. Select, Safeway's in-house brand.  Since there's one local to me, I might as well try it.
• Dr. Thunder/Southern Lightning, WalMart's in-store brand.

I also hear that there is a pure origional formula Dr Pepper made in Dublin, TX.  It's $10 for a case of 24 cans, shipped.  I will have to look to see if I can find it locally.  I also don't know if Superfresh has in-store knockoffs (America's Choice brand), and Giant seems to have a "Dr. Bob" knockoff that's clear.  But, time to get everything together!