Who would win...

[strredwolf]

From a The Register article, but I think it's worth kicking out here.  Who would be the best?

James Bond
Jason Bourne
The Bucaramanga karate school
Naomi Campbell
Ninja assassins
Chuck Norris
Pirates
Shaolin Temple kung fu monks
Steven Seagal
Bruce Willis

Monks/Ninjas/Karate students/Pirates?  No, their advantages are sheer numbers.  Everyone else will first clear out this riff-raff.

Bond?  Bourne?  Willis?  No, they'd need artillery and it's not their style.  Besides, they'll be out of ammo and thus roughly defenseless.

So, we're down to Campbell, Norris, and Seagal.  The men are trained in martial arts.  Campbell has female psychological warfare.

Comments

[felixnminerva.livejournal.com]

Maybe, but Chuck Norris has Three Fists. Plus, he'll look at Campbell and impregnate her with super Chuck Norries babies by merely using his mind. And his titanic penis. All twenty of them. And then Chuck Norris will kick Seagal so hard that Seagal will travel back in time to the Big Bang and infuse the cosmos with his Awesome Energy and thus create the foundation for Chuck Norris coming into existence.

[darthparadox.livejournal.com]

I fully expect James Bond to recognize the situation for what it is and hide in the shadows until the massive number of cannon-fodder has been mowed down. Bourne might follow the same tactic; I'm not sure. But Bond's style isn't to go charging in and killing thirty or forty people on his own; when he does do that it's one at a time because they're in his way.

Ninjas, however... if you've got a whole pile of ninjas, they're fucked. If you've got just one, though, he'll survive until late in the game.