strredwolf | (no subject)

Vincent Ferrari and AOL tickled my muse...

Inside the now RedWolf-owned UU.NET:
Poor unlucky tech: (showing RW around) And this is our call center. Support calls are brought here.
RedWolf: (as Drake Perth) Rather busy. How's the training?
PUT: Well...
RW: Be truthful with me. If it's non-existant we'll reinstate it.
---
PUT: It's rather basic. The level 1's are scripted...
Level 1 Tech: Hold on sir, I'm checking a manager right now about that.
---
PUT: What...
L1T: Guy wants to cancel his AOL account. Insists this is the right number.
---
RW: We provide service to AOL?
PUT: Yeah, we get complaints like that up the ying-yang. Nothing we can do here but get 'em off the line.
RW: Don't.
---
PUT: You want to change proceedure?
RW: *turns* Give me a few minutes. That empty terminal...
PUT: Had to send him to Level 2 support. He got ambitious and hacked it open. I need to wipe it.
---
RW: *grabs a headset* Ahhh memories. Forward the call to... 49152. Tell the person he's being forwarded to the Abuse staff.
PUT: You're joking.
---
RW: *gives PUT the "you really want to get fired, don't you" look*
---
PUT:   *to L1T* Do it and monitor hir.

RW: UU.NET Abuse, this is Drake Perth. I hear you have a problem from one of our customers?
---
RW:   AOL, you say. Okay, give me a moment to pull up their record...
RW:   Okay. Did you pay with a credit card?
---
RW: Do you have another service you're getting Internet access from?
RW: Good. Any bill you get from AOL, send it to us here at UU.NET. We'll take care of them.
---
RW: Oh don't worry. It looks like we're their sole connection to the Internet, and we've already reformed our Legal team. Thanks for calling.
---
*click*
RW:   Any AOL customer that complaints to us, have them send the bill to "AOL Overbilled Me" care of us. Take any complaint down and forward the details to Legal. Tell all your Level 1's that, and tell them if they feel like they're getting over their heads, to forward it to level 2. Any caps or limitations, yank 'em out. If the tech knows the solution, let 'em try it. Got it?
PUT: Got it.

*Level 2*
Level 2 Manager: Mistress Perth! Glad to see you. Sorry for the delay, we just suddently got busy.
RW: I gave the level 1's some freedom, and some added duties.
---
L2M: Well, the guys were getting bored anyway, so they're happy they're working for a change. What's about this AOL deal?
RW: Take down their info and forward it to Legal.
---
L2M: Okay. We also have next to nil in personell for repairs to lines.
RW: Already taken care of. Just put the order in, I've contracted it out to a reputable source.

*Legal*
Terry: Re... DRAKE! Damn, mistook you for someone else.
RW: I know what you mean. Got a chance to look at that service contract with AOL?
---
Terry: It's crap. Worthless. It terminated itself the day before it was signed.
RW: Intresting...
---
Terry: Can I? Can I? Can I?
RW: Wait a few days. You may get a class action suit out of it.

*Router area 51*
RW: So this is the cable for AOL?
Tech: Yep... hold on...
---
Tech: For you, Drake. It's AOL.
RW: Hello...
---
RW: Listen. Ether let folks cancel accounts or... WILL YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I YANK YOUR CONNECTION?!?

RW: *listens to blahblahblah*
---
RW: *Yanks the cable out and shuts down the router*
---
RW: You're offline for unauthorized use of service. See you in court. *click*
Tech: Better get the hazardous material notices for that connection.

*A month later*
RW:   Ahhh... back at work at the embassy.
News: AOL has filed for bankruptcy today. This comes on the heels of a class-action lawsuit filed by AOL members contending AOL's insistance on never canceling accounts, and the removal of their last connection to the Internet by UU.NET.
---
News: Weither this will affect the lawsuits by UU.NET over usage of their systems under a rubbish contract... this just in....
---
News: AOL has been denied bankruptcy protection. Repeat, AOL denied bankruptcy protection and forced to be liquidated.
RW: Hmm... I wonder what judge ordered that...