STrRedWolf's 2005 Fake Dr Pepper Roundup

[strredwolf]

REDWOLF'S FAKE DR PEPPER ROUNDUP
2005 1st edition, 12/05/2005

SPONSORED BY THE CANMEPHIAN "WHY BOTHER WITH EVEN MANUFACTURING A DOZEN KNOCKOFFS OF SOMETHING MARGINAL ENOUGH TO NOT EVEN BE DISPENSED IN HALF THE RESTRAUNTS AND 7-11 CLONES OF THE WORLD, ANYWAY?" FOUNDATION.

This is a taste test I conducted while watching Monster Garage followed the local 10pm news. All beverages were from freshly-opened two-liter bottles or, perferablly, cans of the smallest capacity possible. All ratings are measured relative to commonly-availible Dr Pepper, so you can scale them by dividing how much better you think Coke or Pepsi is than Dr Pepper. Notes to the origional Kibo Fake Dr Pepper Roundup were open durring this test.  To cleanse my palate after each swig, I made fresh with Superfresh in-store brownies and leftover Haloween Starburst candies.

• Dr Pepper, Origional Formula
  Manufacturer: Dr Pepper bottling plant in Dublin, TX Rating: 1.2
  Flavor: Like Dr Pepper, but with a cleaner aftertaste. This I would mark up to the use of Imperial Cane sugar instead of corn syrup as a sweetener.
  
• Dr Pepper, common
  Manufacturer: Dr Pepper (but bottled by local Pepsi or Coke bottlers)
  Rating: 1.0
  Flavor: A sort of vanilla taste, with no discernable cherry taste at all. Enough vanilla to make it stand out, enough lactic acid to make me fart. Normal people may not like it, but it's an intresting taste -- Kibo says it's an aquired taste, and I've aquired it. Has a strong aroma and is generally considered sweeter than Coke... but then Pepsi is sweeter than Coke too.
  
• Dr. Chill
  Manufacturer: Shoppers Food Market/SuperValu Store Brands (Super Chill brand)
  Rating: 0.9
  Flavor: Like slightly diluted Dr Pepper. It's got the right taste, the right smell, but it has a slightly lighter gravity, and not much of an aftertaste.
  
• Dr Thunder
  Manufacturer: Wal-Mart (Sam*s Choice brand)
  Rating: 0.5
  Flavor: Like diluted Dr Pepper, just enough vanilla to qualify as a knockoff, but only on the aftertaste. It's "lighter" or has a lesser "gravity" than a regular Dr Pepper.
  
• Dr. Choice
  Manufacturer: America's Choice (Superfresh store brand)
  Rating: 0.3
  Flavor: Diluted Cherry Dr Pepper. The gravity is so light you could be fooled that it could be just water you're drinking, but it has just enough to qualify as a soda. The smell of cherrys came out on this one, the more fragrant of the bunch.
  
• Dr. Skipper
  Manufacturer: Safeway (Select brand)
  Rating: 0.25
  Flavor: Generic store brand cola, which only has the redeeming factor that it has a hint of a smell of vanilla. It could of been mistaken for Vanilla Coke were it not for the fact that it's more diluted than Coke.
  
• Dr. Bob
  Manufacturer: Giant/Ahold (Southern Comfort brand)
  Raiting: 0.1
  Flavor: Really really really diluted/weak cola. I kept getting reminded of flat club soda. Maybe if they canned it instead of only carrying 2-liters.

At this point, the test was halted because I was out of brownies.

You would think it would be a simple matter to come up with the perfect knockoff of something which tastes completely artificial, but NNNnnoooooooooooooo!  We can land probes on Mars and make 'em last fifty times their advertized battery life, but we can't run some Dr Pepper through a gas chromatograph to see whether it's supposed to taste like cherry, Coke, vanilla, or dirty socks.  I am formally recommending to the Rulers of the Multiverse that the fakes be told to shape up or they'll be forced to drink Dr. Bob forever and ever and all the bad stuff will go away and there will never be any war and everyone will hug all the time.  Also, if the fakes haven't really earned a graduate degree then everyone will sue them for a million billion zillion dollars and all the candy in the world.

Apologizes to James "Kibo" Parry.

Yours in Pepperness, Kelly "STrRedWolf" Price.

Note of point(s):  Those who belived I should of added periods after various Dr's (despite what's printed on the bottle), please contact your local bottler to supply them with the nessiary missing punctuation.

Comments

[strredwolf.livejournal.com]

To those who are looking for the origional roundup, it's here:

http://www.kibo.com/kibofood/dr_pepper.html

[kesarra.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmmmm. Brownies. *drool*

What were you talking about? Something about Mars and a doctor?

I really do wish that cola makers would learn to use honey instead of the high fructose crap that's dissolving my teef. Maybe I'll learn to make things myself since I can't really take carbonation anymore.

Roundup

[omegaboot.livejournal.com]

Praytell, Kelly, why have you not tested Mr. Pibb and the various other Mr knockoffs of Dr. Pepper?

Re: Roundup

[strredwolf.livejournal.com]

I couldn't find "Mr. Pibb" anymore. Coke now sells a modified "Pibb Xtreeme" which I didn't have the cash to get.

If you found more knockoffs, I would of paid for sending it to me.

Re: Roundup

[omegaboot.livejournal.com]

Mr. Pibb IS getting hard to find, but I think it can be found.

Pibb Extreme isn't THAT expensive. sheesh. :P

Re: Roundup

[strredwolf.livejournal.com]

I know, but I ended up getting catfood instead. I haven't been to a Giant since.

Re: Roundup

[griffinwolf.livejournal.com]

A pity you couldn't use Fountain Sodas to test... But then, Fountain Sodas are too idiosyncratic on the setup, anyway.

Re: Roundup

[strredwolf.livejournal.com]

Back to the days I manned the local megatheater's concession stand. WHEEEEEEE!

You basically are creating the soda at time of pour. The syrup itself is injected into carbonated water, which itself is made just moments before. The carbonation is relatively constant, so the difference is how thick the syrup is when it's injected -- and as the syrup bag is drained, the thickness decreases.

[miltjones.livejournal.com]

Furs love Dr. Pepper. Kind of like how Otaku love Mountain Dew. Though I'm more of a Shasta/Top Pop fan, being that they have flavors like strawberry and blue raspberry. Jolly Rancher as well, due to the fucktastic flavors of Green Apple and Watermelon. I've seen it at 7-11.

[atomiccoon.livejournal.com]

Furs do love DP. I'm one to agree.

[carlhh.livejournal.com]

You left out "Dr. Good Guy." (Kroger store brand, iirc)

[strredwolf.livejournal.com]

There's no Kroger in Maryland, and my call for folks to find these knockoffs out in the West Coast and beyond resulted in bumkiss.

[kesarra.livejournal.com]

After some thought and wanderings you've got me looking for cola's in odd places. And so I give you this: http://www.suntory.co.jp/softdrink/FF/

I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally want that bottle. I can only hope that Potion doesn't taste like perfume. /HP+