I had enough. Somehow Verizon screwed with the rented Actiontec router and broke my static DHCP setup. I couldn't get to my laptop with SSH at it's usual 192.168.1.4 address, and going sandra.local or even sandra.home would ask me to verify that the laptop was where I wanted to go... BECAUSE IT WAS AT A DIFFERENT IP ADDRESS EACH AND EVERY STINKING TIME!
I still had my Linksys WRT54G v3. You can't find them now. The best you can do is a WRT54GL. Both run Linux, and there's at least three firmware replacements out there: OpenWRT, DD-WRT, and Tomato. I knew the native Linksys firmware wasn't going to cut it, so it was time.
I flashed Tomato onto the WRT54G, and configured it to only do the wireless and DHCP. I then took it away from the Actiontec, so it only did the NAT and port forwarding work.
Sandra's back on the .4 (.5 on wireless), and I'm happy.