Jun. 4th, 2004
Remain Calm...
Jun. 4th, 2004 10:48 pmEMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM
Should any of the content presented on this site offend your sence of Moral Values(tm), you are asked to follow these simple proceedures to ensure your sanity is protected at all times:
#1: STEP AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER IMMEDATELY
Slowly push back your chair away from the computer, and exit the area in a timely fashion. Further contamination of your sensory equipment must be avoided before required shielding is attained.
#2: ATTAIN NESSISARY SHIELDING
Proper equipment in the form of Class M shielding must be attained and put on before envoking the EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM. If you do not have such shielding availible, you may generate it by alternating bands of tin or aluminum foil with layers of mayonnaise and honey mustard, up to three layers thick. Wrap this shielding around your body and head until you are completely covered.
#3: SIGNAL YOUR INTENTIONS
For the proper use of the EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM, you must exit your place of lodging, while continuing to wear the Class M shielding, to a clear-sky area, and perform the coded signal allowing your use of the EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM to be authorized. To perform the coded signal, you must yell at the top of your lungs "THE SOUL OF MY KEEPER IS THE AWUTZVICH OF THE GATES THAT I MUST TAKE!" while walking in a wide figure-eight pattern four times.
#4: RETURN TO YOUR COMPUTER AND INVOKE THE EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM
You are now authorized to invoke the EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM. Return to your computer immedately, while wearing the Class M shielding, and press the EMERGENCY EJECT button. Your computer will be redirected by remote to a safe web-browsing location.
#5: RESUME NORMAL WEB BROWSING
You may now resume normal web browsing. We offer no advice should local goverment officals come to your domicile and question you on your motives. No warantees are expressed or implied.
This EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM is based on Andy Ihnatko's Collosal Waste of Bandwidth's Emergency Ejection System, which was hosted on ZDnet's MacUser webpages.
Should any of the content presented on this site offend your sence of Moral Values(tm), you are asked to follow these simple proceedures to ensure your sanity is protected at all times:
#1: STEP AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTER IMMEDATELY
Slowly push back your chair away from the computer, and exit the area in a timely fashion. Further contamination of your sensory equipment must be avoided before required shielding is attained.
#2: ATTAIN NESSISARY SHIELDING
Proper equipment in the form of Class M shielding must be attained and put on before envoking the EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM. If you do not have such shielding availible, you may generate it by alternating bands of tin or aluminum foil with layers of mayonnaise and honey mustard, up to three layers thick. Wrap this shielding around your body and head until you are completely covered.
#3: SIGNAL YOUR INTENTIONS
For the proper use of the EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM, you must exit your place of lodging, while continuing to wear the Class M shielding, to a clear-sky area, and perform the coded signal allowing your use of the EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM to be authorized. To perform the coded signal, you must yell at the top of your lungs "THE SOUL OF MY KEEPER IS THE AWUTZVICH OF THE GATES THAT I MUST TAKE!" while walking in a wide figure-eight pattern four times.
#4: RETURN TO YOUR COMPUTER AND INVOKE THE EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM
You are now authorized to invoke the EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM. Return to your computer immedately, while wearing the Class M shielding, and press the EMERGENCY EJECT button. Your computer will be redirected by remote to a safe web-browsing location.
#5: RESUME NORMAL WEB BROWSING
You may now resume normal web browsing. We offer no advice should local goverment officals come to your domicile and question you on your motives. No warantees are expressed or implied.
This EMERGENCY EJECTION SYSTEM is based on Andy Ihnatko's Collosal Waste of Bandwidth's Emergency Ejection System, which was hosted on ZDnet's MacUser webpages.